There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
