Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
