U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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