Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
