I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
