WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
