If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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