I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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