its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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