fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
