You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
