If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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