I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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