I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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