your parents love me but you hate me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
