tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
did i just pee glitter
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
