hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
