What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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