i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
someone owes me an orgasm
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
