He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
