I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
