The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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