Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
