A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
