new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
