I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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