absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
