none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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