you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
