I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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