we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.