I am puke
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
my liver is dry heaving
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
