Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize