So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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