Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
