Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
