Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
