why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
