If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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