Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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