I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
