I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
