this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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