I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
