Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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