I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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