how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
