wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize