i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
