Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize