Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
