Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
