I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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