Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
