I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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