Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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