Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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