u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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