took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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