I smell stomach acid.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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