gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
