I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
