I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
