best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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