i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
