And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
