You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
