she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
