11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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