i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
