It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
