what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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