If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
