Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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