Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
