I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
