apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
