and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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