Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
