remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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