Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
