Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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