i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
