New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
