he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
