A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
